If we are going to listen to the Should Haves, then I should have been up three hours ago. Or I can say, 'this is how I exist' and do away with the Should Haves, as I'm not entirely sure what I'm justifying those imperatives against anyway.
Some idealistic version of myself, who always gets up early?
Right.
But the truth is, some weekends I need to crawl away into my comfort-zone and ignore the pressures of the outside world. Some days I just need to hang out in my pajamas all day and cuddle my cat. There's always a time limit. Looming deadlines necessarily draw me out of it. Today, I have maybe an hour or so of knitting and sipping coffee before I finish getting ready and head out to school, for hours and hours of studying and homework, not to leave the library until it's dark and chilly outside. At that point I'll have missed the entire day, tired and worn out and thinking only of that moment of crawling in bed, lying there and waiting for the tense muscles to start to relax and then, to drift off...
(I had lovely dreams last night. I only wish there were some reality to them.)
Hours of school work that I've put off until today to make room for that precious, semi-meditative alone time my will demands of me from time to time.
Still, this weekend has not been enough. Too many projects and exams next week to allow for the huge chunks of free time I needed. No day left untouched. So I'll hold out for next weekend. And maybe put off going into school today for a little while longer.
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